A Semi- Year End Reflection

An Atheist
I professed my being an Atheist,

The Urge to Prove One's Self.

I sometimes question myself whether or not I made the right decision in life. People move on with their lives.

Because It's all part of the plan.

You

Because I Like it Grand

Forgiving Myself

Unknown to many, I carry a burden. A sin, people call. I've been carrying this burden for a long time, even if I grew weary of it, I couldn't just let it go, I couldn't just forgive myself.

I made a mistake back then. Although my mentors introduced me to an array of Heroes and Saints, I found it difficult to follow their lead for the simple reason, that I thought, throughout these heroes and saints' lives, they were perfect.

...

A threatening, hostile environment often makes it impossible for me to pursue my plans, or even forces me into outcomes I will hate and regret; but this unfortunate consequence of my finitude and limitations does not cancel the fact that I, too, am a party in the transaction, an ACTING party, a party with a will of its own. If worst comes to worst, and the environment becomes too hostile and threatening, I can always retreat to myself, refuse to impose my power over fortune and external things, and rest content with maintaining my independence of judgment. Nobody but I can take that away from me; even the sweeping passions that occasionally win me over would not have their way if I did not let them, that is, if I did not- perhaps half-mindedly, perhaps discontentedly – decide to let them. The world is not my own, but I most certainly am.

A Break...

I just realized, unlike most people, I havent had a real break since 2009. Sometimes, I do go home, but I still do work, and ahhh, the fatigue is taking (or has taken) its toll. I want to run away from it all. I want to hide from everything. I want to go somewhere, attempt to reinvent myself, and come back refreshed.

Losing A Laptop

I did not go for vacation like everyone else during the Holy Week. Aside from the fact that I find nothing holy this week, I do not subscribe to this Catholic commemoration anymore.

I lost my laptop. I was inside my client's clinic when it happened. I left my laptop inside the conference room. To get into the conference room, you have to pass by the front desk. My laptop was last seen at 12.45nn, and 1pm.

All my data. Lost.

People work hard for a living, and people just steal the stuff of these working people, I sometimes feel it might be the easier thing to do, just steal everyone else's stuff.

But I won't stoop to that level.

Of Changes and

Do I know something about my self?

Of course I do. I may be wrong about this being a crazy summer day, with the sun fighting to come out but being repeatedly chased and suffocated by black, thundering clouds. I may be wrong about there being a screen in front of me. And I may be wrong about these being fingers on the keys, or their being mine. I can imagine situations in which none of these beliefs are true. But no situation can be imagined in which it is false that I see black thundering clouds, or that i feel pressure as if i had fingers and they were hitting keys. This knowledge cannot be denied. Not only is it the rock bottom of what I know, it is also top quality as far as what I can know

Humanity

 Fan Chi’h asked about humanity
Confucius said, “It is to love others”...
Analects 12:22, Confucius

    Some say that the beginning of life starts when a man asks questions. In the course of my existence, I have observed that indeed there are a lot of questions, some answered, and many still unanswered. Funny as it may seem, that as I read the Analects that I discovered a basic question that I find compelling – that is about humanity.

  Occurrences and meanings that coincide with each other bring out more than that of their literal meanings. Oftentimes, the meanings I give these words are based on what I wanted them to be. But again, the more I try to put my own meanings to them, the more the truth in them comes out, and these truths are undeniably hard to just set aside. Every word has its own truth no matter how simple it may seem.

“To love others”, Confucius said, is what it takes to be a part of humanity. Why? Because we NEED to be one with humanity. It makes sense for me. What better way for me to unite myself with the entire society than by that most common instrument that had existed ever since the dawn of time – Love. It is love that binds the strongest. It is love that established my being bound to my family, my friends, MEUS MUNDUS – my world, and eventually our world. It is the instrument by which I often use to let go of things, and choose. It is love that makes my life meaningful – the thought that someone I love would be there, waiting, needing me, that gives me the inspiration to live life and to love living it…

   The Analects in its own ways, and as tested by time, confirms in me the ability to be what I should be. It incites me to go even further in developing the meaning of my existence. In its richness, I may not be able to live a gull life. But with loving, I may be able to live my life to its fullest. There is more in life that just thinking of its problems and complexities. There is meaning – a deeper meaning in the simplicities of life. In the silence of Confucian analects, there lies a multitude of realities waiting to be discovered and yielding only one thing – to have harmony in life.

I can make kings. I can destroy what I make.

Some people don't just get it. I pave way for them so they can become someone, sometimes, I have to sacrifice something just to

In the first place, I find it insulting for peopel to think I can't do project mangement. for crying out loud, my organization gave away 10 million pesos worht of Windows durign my time. A First, on of the best and continued project of my orgranization. I made it possible.

Now, if you point out something to me just be

The Well Laid Plan

To be a good leader, you have to be a good follower. To make things go the way you want it, you have to make sure the stakeholders see what you want them to see, without them knowing.

I might be getting a head of myself, but I think my plan worked perfectly.

I barely did enough,

Friends

I have a different definition of friendship. It's not the usual: I met him/her therefore he/she is my friend type. It's something deeper. It's a deep connection between two people who find joys and sorrows worth sharing. Ergo, I do not consider a lot of people my friends. Most are my acquaintances. But that doesn't mean I do not respect them.

Some people have problems with how I perceive friendship. The fact is, it's not something I define based on Wikipedia, rather, it's a word I am able to make sense of because of my experience with interacting with people.

Let's admit it. More often than not, the so called friends we have are the people we can make good use of and they consider us the same way because they can make good use of us too. In short, gamitan lang. They are tools for our personal gains and we are their tools for their personal gains. For me it's true. We start making 'friends' because in a way, we need to use them.

But eventually, if it evolves to true friendship, this will stop. The being a tool part in terms of attaining gains can only go so far. I say true friendship starts when someone becomes a part of our life - when we start loving these people as much as we love ourselves - when their 'use' has of no importance to the friendship.
I am not saying this is the perfect definition of friendship, but for now it's what makes sense to me.